Saturday, April 9
it's a warm night but i'm shivering. funny, i didn't feel this empty inside just now.. but now that i'm home and sitting at my desk.. that hollowness creeps back in. maybe it would be more accurate to say that i feel like all i call myself is seeping out. i thought i was over this stage. apparently not.
you don't know what you're missing til it arrives, or what you've got til you lose it. i guess you can't lose a friendship cos it never leaves your heart. but the bittersweetness was overwhelming just now. when i sat where chris and i used to sit at the woodlands library. ate the fish and chips meal. they were having the offer again. i missed her so much. like this heaviness in my heart. i picked my phone up, wanted to send her a msg.. and realised that i can't very well msg australia. sigh. chris. do you ever think of us? maybe not, you don't have all these places to haunt you. i'm going back tomorrow. you're in nepal now, aren't you? is the night sky very clear there, are the stars very bright? i get so cold when i remember that we're all separated now. jan's in another class. the rest of us are worlds apart.
class bbq was fine. watched love me if you dare. i am emotionally scarred for life and i'll never be able to have a normal relationship again. not that i ever did, if you think about it. have a relationship, much less a normal one.
that kind of relationship i mean. a romantic one. hell, i'm such an intense person. i hate and love with all i am. i hope i never fall in love. the kind of love that takes you by the throat and never lets go? the kind of love that some character in a book had. that ran in the family. i honestly can't recall who it is now. i shall think a bit more. it's not emily of new moon. although she was an extremely intense person too if i recall correctly. shit what's wrong with my brain. why can't i remember.. gahhhh.
it must've been love.
10:04 pm
xoxo
